Patience.

I've been hearing that word offered often these days. My latest question to receive that answer is about my stomach. How long before my abdominal wall feels like a wall again instead of curtains open wide? What can I do to strengthen and repair them?

Waiting. I've never been good at it. But to me there is a difference between having patience and being idle. I will be patient with the process, but I want to help my body move in the right direction. I guess this statement falls under another phrase typically advised, "Allow everything to fall back into place on it's own." In other words, "You can't MAKE this happen." Hmphf. I remember hearing that when Chester and I were trying to get pregnant. I guess I'm still learning that one.

I know this facet of my personality causes no end of frustration and irritation to those who work with me, know me, and even those who love me. For many not close to me it is the reason for their disliking me. But I like this about my personality. I know it could be tempered and softened...and I think it has with age, yes, believe it or not. It comes from a value and belief so strong and at the core of who I strive to be. Namely, I do not ever want to stop and "Wait" or "Let" life pass by me. I'll admit there is a magic to allowing things to fall into place and happen seemingly on their own. But I'm a firm believer that something never happens "On its own." I believe things change, happen, move, evolve only by laying the groundwork, taking opportunities to learn about processes, and taking action. I know what you're thinking. She's a control freak. Well, yes, I've been called that too. In a black and white world I suppose you choose to be victim to those things you don't like or fear; or we try to control them. I choose the latter. I admit the world we live in is not black and white and there is a fine line between when we should push and when we should relax. Water is stronger than stone.

Soren is waking up and will want to be fed. He will not have to wait or be patient...lucky boy. Hmm...maybe it's not patience I seek, but maturity. Ouch.