Emma's Surgery...Take Two

Even though she ran like a pro at Michael and Katherine's Turkey Trot Emma was still not feeling well on Thanksgiving. She was showing her characteristic symptoms of a possible repeat sock ingestion. She adores a good running sock as a mid-morning snack. Though I guard them like gold and put them up...she always manages to find a spare. Usually they pass within a couple days. So I was stumped. I called the vet and they said to bring her into the clinic. After a day-long barium x-ray diagnostic epic Dr Mary called with the verdict. "We think there's something in there and it's not moving. We need to open her up."

This is not Emma's first dance with Dr Mary's scalpel. Three years ago she ate a Greenie, fed to her by yours truly, and the darn thing adhered to her intestine and had to be removed surgically. Greenies have since changed their formula, removing the vast amounts of gluten, since many dogs died from the same affliction. Needless to say, neither Emma nor Zoe are allowed to eat Greenies.

I called the Dr immediately and told her to do what she thought she needed to. Three hours later I got the call to bring her home. Emma, still gorked from the anesthetic and pain meds, could barely lift her head from the floor as her lip slung open and her tongue lolled to the side of gravity. Dr. Mary immediately began showing me the x-rays. She wanted me to see why they felt it necessary to go in. She literally saved Emma's life three years ago and I was not about to question her motives. Then she told me what they found, in a word...nothing. There was nothing in my little Emma's tummy. She was sick, just sick.

After beating myself up about sending Emma to unnecessarily surgery and staying up all night with her, changing the towels as she was in too much pain to go outside and full of fluid from the iv fluid she received, I finally stopped. We can second guess every decision we make. We literally make thousands of decisions every day. All we can do is follow our heart and make the best decision with the information available to us at the time. That is all we can do. To worry, regret, wish, or stress about what could have, should have, or would have been is futile.

My 6 year old dog Emma, the first dog I've ever raised from a pup, is going to be ok. She's already wagging her tail, eating, and giving me kisses. She can't pull her trademark move of both legs stretched out behind her right now...but I bet even that will come back with time. If it doesn't, her bag is so full of moves that make my heart melt...we won't miss the super-emma-frog-legs one bit.

She's sleeping comfortably now. She looks relaxed and content as opposed to the moaning that worried Zoe and I last night as we curled up next to her on the floor. Thankfully, today was a scheduled day off. Thankfully Brett, who continues to love and care for Emma and Zoe as his own, is helping with the vet bill. Being faced with the mortality of someone you love strips away any pretense of comfortable detachment from those we care about. I consider myself lucky to be reminded of this today and so thankful that Emma is staring up at me with her tail wagging right now.

Thank you.

My Other Little Sister.

Meet Hydeia and Stephanie. Hydeia is my new Little Sister. Stephanie is her Aunt. The three of us have committed to Hydeia and I spending time together once week for at least a year and hopefully more! I was nervous as I drove to meet both Hydeia and Stephanie. I thought, "What if they don't like me? what if we have nothing in common?"...the questions went on and on. Turns out I had nothing to worry about. Shannon, our match specialist, was awesome and ready with fun questions like, "like if you could be a cat or a dog...which would it be?" When Hydeia answered, "A dog." I knew we were definitely sisters.

We spent about an hour talking over the rules, regulations, guidelines, suggestions and anything else Big Brothers/Big Sisters felt prudent to write down. We made easy work of the document with Hydeia volunteering to start the reading. Hydeia is 12 years old. My initial impressions of her are that she's smart, caring, kind, honest, curious and enthusiastic. We made a list of 15 things we hope to do in our meetings. Next week we will scratch off number one and take some turns around the local mall. If we have time we'll ice skate- or maybe just check into it for next time. If anyone has other suggestions for great low-cost or free outings...please let us know!! For now I'm psyched to learn more about Hydeia and math. She says she needs work on her math homework. I'm looking forward to trying to remember what I forgot about math.

Crossfit WoD today:

As many rounds as possible in 20 minutes.

BW Squats x 10 (I did 2 rounds at 125, three at 115)
15 ring push-ups (I modified with rubber bands)


Afternoon: Easy run with girls. 6 x 30 second strides up hill. No limping for Emma or me. Good to be injury free.

Hard Routine

We have all agreed to abide by a Hard Routine, created by each of us, for three weeks as a precursor to our crossfit games training. Oddly enough, the diet Mark has worked out for me has been easier than in the past. I've a whole team of people going through similar restrictions and that's helped immensely. I did, however, falter on my coffee intake yesterday. Namely, I had two cups of coffee. I'd already gotten over the hump too! But as I was back off today, and had no headaches, I'm thankfully back on the wagon. Had dinner with Pete and Marila today at Miss Delta's. Figuring out a zone-friendly diet there wasn't as tough as I thought it might be. Collard greens were delicious...vegan style. They've got me excited for the upcoming cross country ski season, as well as mountain biking next year. The final cross race is this sunday and with as much fun as I had last week...I'm definitely going to be there.

Almost finished with week two.

Birthday.

This morning as I was getting off work and the guys were wishing me "Happy 40th" on today, my 38th birthday, Mike convinced me to meet him and another Mike, retired ff, to race cyclo-cross at PIR. It's been over a year since I jumped into one of these races and had no plans...so figured why not? I raced with the Mike's in their Men's Beginner group. The first thing I noticed was the size of the field! There had to be over 100 people!! Compared to the women's fields, or at least what they were when I was racing, this was huge! I started to line up at the front of the pack and Mike stopped me. "No, we want to start back here." "Back here" was the last third of the bunch. I'm thinking how in the heck are we going to make it through this mess of riders to get in front during the race?? Mike said, "I'm not here to win the thing. I just want to have fun." His point was well-taken. I lined up in between Mike and Mike. I had just enough time to register and find Mike so I hadn't pre-ridden the course at all. Mike told me what he could, "There's a hell of a lot of mud and the run up has a 6 pack of barriers with a windmill you have to run through." With reconnaissance complete the gun went off and we moved like a giant glob of molasses through the mud towards first bend.

During races like these, in the beginning...when I still have enough energy to think outside of the pain, I always have to laugh at the concept that we are all moving roughly 5miles an hour and call it "racing." The conditions at the start and a few other points in the race were so muddy it was a challenge to move fast enough to stay upright on your bike. People are waving the cowbells yelling, "Yeah! Go girl you're doing awesome!" Then there is this somewhat funny and awkward silence because I've only moved 30 inches since the spectator compassionately cheered me on. He's got to be thinking..."Should I give her more bell and say it again...or just pretend she's not still moving at a snail's pace directly in front of me?"

I don't know what he chose because I was concentrating so hard on my route. Should I go through the 12" deep puddle not knowing what type of surface lies beneath? Or, should I "barrel" through the 6" deep sludge that just caused that dude in front of me to go down? Puddle. Good choice!! Rode through. :]

Running uphill with my bike on my shoulder and jumping over barriers was fun. I passed people really feeling the beginning of some power coming back to my legs since the marathon. The downhills were another story. I slipped and slided landing on my clean white race kit more than a few times. It's always better to look hardcore anyway. Schultz on the other hand, told me after the race that he had learned to negotiate the off-camber downhill and rode the whole thing! He chose to run through the muddy flats and discovered he could pass multiple racers...but was more exhausted than when he snail-peddled through. Liel got out front early, but when I saw a hole I passed and never looked back. I didn't get to hear or see him race after that. But he looked recovered and fresh when we finished. Both him and Mike talked and ate at breakfast denying any pain or soreness. Meanwhile my muscles were screaming at me. My glutes and hamstrings were having a conversation all their own while I ate my garden scramble in silence. Liel was sweet enough to give me kudos for the Ironman races I ran over four years ago. I sat there amazed that these two guys raced the same race I did and felt no pain, as much as I train...ok so not on my bike...details. All I could think was what a great way to spend my birthday, covered in mud, muscles aching, surrounded by friends. I asked Schultz if he wanted my hash browns. He did. I swiped them off my plate onto his, looking forward to a nap.

Great day.

Next up...and Thanks

Just a couple more weeks of hiking and riding to be safe. This week I started Crossfit, albeit slowly and conservatively, again. It felt good to be pushing myself again for the first time since the marathon. After three days on and today off, I'm feeling stronger already. I'm also relieved to be out of the office and away from the temptations of snack food during the long days of interviews. It never ceases to amaze me how different and better I feel after just a couple days of clean eating.

I've yet to decide on the direction my training will take from here. Scott has agreed to help me attain that elusive marathon PR...well a faster PR this spring. I will also be diving back into the books preparing for the Captain's exam in May. Another possible goal includes the Crossfit Games in early July held in California. Matt will be coaching a select team of 7 from crossfithel to go to the games. The program will include additional skills work, WOD's, and nutrition. Going to the games as a part of a team with anyone from that gym sounds like a chance of a lifetime and I'm definitely going to the informational meeting on Saturday to find out more.

Also, he Police and Fire Games, being only hours away, are a serious consideration. I haven't been since the year 2000 when I went to Stockholm, Sweden. The games are a big deal with firefighters and officers from around the globe competing. I am still in contact with people I met from the Sweden games and look forward to expanding that network of peers.

The difficult part is going to be choosing my path. The Captain's exam must take priority. Lately, whether life's stress or running stress, my body has not been recovering like it used to. For now I'll have to be thankful I can participate in some easy trail runs. Deciding on the marathon will come only after I'm certain I can juggle training for the race with studying.

Finally I want to say how inspiring it's been over the last year to witness so many barriers broken and goals exceeded by friends and family. Chris, Mike and Caleb are or will be lieutenants very soon. My mom re-adjusting to life state-side, finding a new job and looking for more volunteer opportunities as she settles back into life in Nashville, TN. My housemate, Sean, his company is inches away from receiving full funding and moving into production. Marcus, Daniel, and Nick worked their tails off to be ready for the interview process and agility in hopes of becoming new firefighters. Trisha completed her first, and second ultra-marathon. Darin ran his first 50 miler. Stacey damn near won the women's race at the Spartathlon, coming in second after leading most of the race. Scott won overall, again...missing his goal time for the 152 mile road race by only 20 minutes with his finish time of 20:20. Last but not least, Ronda. Ronda is no stranger to winning races. But watching from behind the scenes the discipline, dedication and passion that goes into her training has been a real gift. The relatively anonymous status she held at the beginning of the year is now shattered. She will be one to watch at the line. And even though this can be intimidating for some, she will have always done her homework. She knows exactly what she can do and her drive is unparalleled.

Thanks again everyone. And you take care too.

Last Day

The leaves are from the tree in my front yard. The morning after I got my Kodak M1093 IS I went out and started snapping. I have two days before the IT guy comes to get my first round of photos. I've been in interviews all week...so there haven't been a lot of shoots. But I look forward to using my camera this afternoon and at Mike and Sally's Wedding this evening.

This week of interviewing has been long and very interesting. There have been some amazing people sitting in front of us. A fellow panel member was talking about one particular candidate that graduated from a very prestigious school and had unbelievable experience for her young age. He wondered why she'd want to be a firefighter. I was surprised he asked. Obviously she wasn't just book-smart but knew what elements in her career would make her happy and it was clear the fire service was a perfect fit. I hope she will soon be a new recruit. There were many other fine candidates that left our panel feeling relieved, thankful, and so glad we weren't up against them for our own jobs! Today should be an earlier day. After work the girls and I are headed straight to Forest Park to get re-acquainted with the trails we've missed this week.

The Next Generation

For the next 8 days we will be testing and interviewing new recruits for the next generation of fire fighters. I love being involved with this process as people from all backgrounds step onto the drill ground hoping it is the beginning of a new career and life. The relief on their faces when we tell them, "congratulations, you passed (the physical agility course)" is heartening and takes me back to when I did the same thing almost 13 years ago. The regret and frustration of not passing is palpable. The only positive offering is our changed policy of testing every year as opposed to every two years. A small consolation to someone who has already worked so hard and put their life on hold for the outcome of this test. The agility test has evolved and changed slightly over the years but the tension and stress of completing it quickly and without incident remains intact.

Last shift myself and the crew went out for our yearly turn at completing the Physical Agility Test (PAT). After my first run since the marathon and well timed physical I was informed I may have another stress fracture. This time the culprit is my left foot. Without spending too much time on this subject, haven't we already covered this?, I did notice some swelling a few weeks ago...but it wasn't bothering me. I made it through the marathon and felt great afterwards. But the post marathon run left me with a throbbing foot that was difficult to conceal from my doctor. One round of XRays down and a bone scan appointment for the 28th, it'll be good to see ole' Mary again, and I'll know for sure. Until then...the PAT was not exactly my idea of a restful activity. But there was no way I was going to even try to shuffle out of this. Being one of the proctors of this test for the rest of the bureau and still feeling the need to prove myself to my crew, I used a whole roll of tape on my foot. It felt, well come to think of it...I couldn't feel my foot. This was perfect. I told Jamie, who happened to be my proctor, to please just keep me on time to make the standard which was 8:02.

Of course when he said go something happened and I took off racing. It is amazing how physical discomfort can be totally overridden by your brain. From the minute that stopwatch started my body knew nothing but it's immediate goal of pushing as hard and fast as I could. The strange thing is that it wasn't pre-meditated. This test has always made me nervous and sick to my stomach. I think most of us, being honest, would admit this. Perhaps we each have different reasons for these feelings...but few actually relish the opportunity to take the test. For this reason I have always been conservative in my progress through each station. I never wanted to race for fear I would run out of energy and not be able to complete the remaining tasks within the allotted time. Today, apparently, I had something to prove to myself.

I got to the fourth floor carrying the hose bundle before I started feeling tired. One more floor and I was on my way down. The fan carry and straight ladder are easy. The 35' Extension ladder raise was methodical and roughly the same speed for both extensions. The body drag was quick going out and I slowed some bringing the 165 pound dummy made of rubber hose back to his home across the white line. I had two more stations to complete. The buckets. Everyone hates the 400 foot bucket carry. We can set the two full five gallon buckets of foam down at every 100 foot point to rest, but not in between. The key, if you can do it, is to keep hold of those buckets the full 400 feet and just keep walking, no rest. I did it. Finally the sled. The sled is 125 pounds attached to a 25 foot length of hose with a nozzle attached. After the test your legs are a little shot. What would normally be an easy 100' pull seems tiring and slow. But I gave it everything I could not feeling any pain or discomfort. I finished in 5:50. I think this is my fastest time to date on this test. 30 seconds after finishing the test my foot started throbbing and upon removing the tape, appeared to have grown in size...a bit.

Two days later my foot feels much better. I am optimistic that it may not be a stress fracture at all. Perhaps at worst it is another stress reaction. I will stay off of it and take the rest from running that I had intended to do anyway. Yoga, swimming and crossfit have been more than enough to keep me occupied these days. Knowing I didn't further damage my foot makes my day at the PAT even better. But I would almost be willing to say it would have been worth it even if it took another two weeks to heal. I risked a lot not playing it safe that day. I care more than I should some days about the opinions of those I work with regarding my ability to do the job. If I would have failed I would have of course, first and foremost disappointed myself. But worse, I would have provided an example for any nay-sayers looking for the latest gossip thread. Instead, I tried something I've never been willing to try and ended up with the second fastest time on my crew. We all drove away smiling each feeling good about our performance as a crew. And that 5:50 minute test reminded me how important it is to take chances.

Portland Marathon 2008

photo:Joe English


I went out too fast. For the first three miles I kept my heart rate below 151. I was flying and feeling great. Then I allowed my heart rate to get up to 164 and I would back off. I kept this up for about 14 miles. Looking at my paces they were more consistent with what I wanted to do than what I was fit enough to do at this point. I ran 8:09's for the first 6.2 miles, 8:04's for the next 6.9 miles, then...8:38's for 8miles and finally 8:58 for the last 5 miles. Those last five miles were no doubt slower than that but I at least tore down the hills to make up for my sluggish flat and uphill pace. Darin, Ronda, Troy and Trisha were out in the rain supporting me with smiles. Seeing all my brothers from Portland Fire always cheered me and gave me energy. Darin jumped in to pace me from mile 18. I appreciated his helpful reminders to use the downhills, shorten my stride on the uphills and run in a straight line- no I'm not being sarcastic...this strategy seemed to elude me yesterday as I chose to run in serpentine style.

The rain was not a factor. It was warm and dry when we started and when the rains came I smiled to myself. This is Portland. I haven't run a marathon in over three years. I'm reminded that there is definitely a science to it. First, you have to do the work- missing workouts, for whatever reason, is not going to get me to my goal. Second, I have to FOLLOW my race strategy. It was a great experience to remember the flow and feel of the race...they hurt! I definitely want to come back and chip away at my PR (now 3:41:15). With training I believe I'm capable of a 3:30, maybe faster. Back to work this morning. My knees are a bit sore. I'm moving tenderly but feel pretty good. I woke up this morning and have some how decided to cut myself some slack and be happy with my performance yesterday. There is always room for improvement- I look forward to working towards faster miles. But 341:15 was a great time for October 5, 2008.

Finally, my friend Ken had never run a marathon. He will soon begin training for his first Ironman in my college town Madison, WI. He decided to run Portland, two weeks before the race. He was coming off a half ironman and decided to run easy 3-4 times a week and then just see what would happen. Well what happened was a 3:15! He qualified for Boston and walked around like he had merely completed a 5K. The guy is born to run and will be a real threat in Madison next year. I can't wait to be there on the sidelines cheering him on. Great job Ken!!!!

You calling me chicken? or...Shingles anyone?

The Taper. It's been two weeks of relatively light and easy runs. I decided against my last "long" run last week in an effort to allow my body to heal. Not content to believe it until I experienced it, I discovered first hand that Shingles is not strictly a grandpa's disease. I learned more than I wanted to know about the re-appearing chicken pox virus. Thankfully I had a very light case. My taper and plenty of rest has them already disappearing and me on the mend. Without fail the reduction in miles and hours of taper always plays tricks with my mental state. I feel like I might as well clunk an hour glass on my kitchen table filled with sands of my fitness. As each day passes by I watch the fitness fall through to the bottom of the glass. Logically I know this is not true...but I feel it every time. The upside of tapering is all of my aches, pains, and shingles have healed for the most part. I am heading into this marathon healthy and rested.

My speed and endurance never quite made it's way back from where I was this spring. But I am definitely ready to have an enjoyable race and still, hopefully, eek out a PR (faster than 3:47). Without being asked Darin, Ronda, and even my housemate Sean have offered to be there providing support and screamin' lungs to encourage. Before I even line up at the starting line I'm counting my blessings. Not only am I healthy and able to run this race in our green city, but I am so lucky to have patient and supportive friends witnessing and helping me finish.

Three weeks and counting

I signed up, Officially, for the marathon two days ago. I've been training for about three months. But I waited to sign up until I could be certain the minor injuries would subside. They have/are. So game on! Last week I had my Kelly Day and used every day to my advantage. I slept, ate well, and nailed everyone of my workouts. Over the weekend I got my long run in, cleaned the gutters, weeded the forest that is my garden, and spread 7 yards of bark dust. We made a few trips to the dog park too as that is Emma's preferred method of exercise these days. No, I am not experiencing a manic phase...I'm just going to be very busy with peak training and some overtime for work coinciding. I thought I better get some stuff done around the house so I can remember actually accomplishing something at home. My Mom, sister, and Todd coming for Christmas may have played a small role in my renewed interest in finishing the house projects as well. ;]

I bought paint to finish the hallway (been sitting half painted for a year now.)
When I looked at the YOLO Paint display at the Kelly Moore Paint Store...who was staring back at me but the D-Doe proudly posing on her favorite sofa. Apparently the photo shoot they did last year went well and now little Zoe is proudly representing Yolo Paints. Her career in modeling is up and running. If I can maintain the same form, "Up and running," for the marathon...I will be more than pleased.

The Horizon

My thoughts are scattered these days. I've so many paths in front of me. Each one is appealing for one reason or another. I remember learning about Leonardo Divinci in high school. I thought, "That's how I want to be!" I want to explore everything and once I've mastered it, move on. I got it wrong. Davinci's gift wasn't in the quantity of his skills but the quality of his curiosity. I have many interests. I have no trouble kick-starting the path, learning the basics, and over-coming initial challenges. It's sticking with it, patiently wading through the slow tides, where I lose momentum. I can think of very few paths that have not strayed into the wood to be taken another day as Frost would say.

Recently, my mornings have not been met by my typical leap out of bed to feed the girls, drink coffee, get breakfast and get out to run, lift, or dog park before getting on with the day. I find myself lying there wondering what I want. I make coffee, read...some would say I was "Relaxing." It doesn't really feel that way- though it is peaceful. I don't seem to be coming to any conclusions. Though I'm the first to admit patience is not my strong suit...I'm thinking thinking is redundant and not really an activity. If I'm not coming to conclusions while specifically being still, and meanwhile feeling a bit stir crazy under the peace of rest, I need to get back to doing what I do best. I need to move. The answers will come when I am ready. Perhaps they are already there and I just need to notice them. Regardless. Starting seconds after I close this laptop, the girls and I are going outside, into the rain, and getting on with getting on. It's what we do. The rest will just have to fall into place. And as for Mr Davinci, my guess is he probably had a few short-term pursuits as well. Before he stumbled into science and art and the human form...he may have been a triathlete for a short stint. It didn't make his top ten, so we didn't hear about it. We just don't know. There are hobbies and then there are things that are just a part of who we are. Just like family, they will always be there, ready and willing to pick up where we left off. No judgement- just love, acceptance, and still so much to learn.

August 9 2008

I have not been sitting on the couch this whole time. I've been thinking...about a lot of things. I'm running again- not entirely without my vocal knee and heel peanut gallery...but the majority of systems are go. It's during my runs that I usually come up with my next blog post. But lately, I've had so much on my mind that I can't seem to limit myself to one coherent idea. Or the idea is so deeply personal that I'm not certain it's post-it-and-let-the-world-read-it material. Ok, perhaps I overstate my audience. :] But you get the idea.

I've decided to jump back on the proverbial big wheel and just start typing. I'm limiting myself by believing I need to have the answers and great breakthroughs with every post. So here are some of the more trivial happenings these past few weeks. Even as I type that word, "trivial" I realize that nothing we do is trivial. Our actions are always indicative of the inner desire for happiness, peace, contentment, evolution, this list could go on and on.

SHORT TRACK

This year I managed to make 4 of the 6 races out at PIR on the motor cross track.
Short track, as it implies, is a fast relatively short looped course through the dirt, over logs, and under the trees. I'm reminded of the saying, "Do something that scares you every day." Well, Mondays pretty much take care of the week's worth of fear. I have no off road skills to speak of- but when that horn starts the race, I pretend not to be afraid. It's amazing what you can accomplish when you choose to disregard every fiber in your being that is telling you not to ride your 15 year old mountain bike over that ledge. My friend Ronda, just decided she will be racing in Leadville's 100 mile mountain bike race. She's run the Ultramarathon so naturally she must conquer the same trails on mountain bike. It's no small detail that she didn't own a mountain bike. After getting a sweet new ride- her and her family joined me for the Monday night madness. Seeing Ronda, in running shoes and tank tops- "the biking outfits are just too unflattering" kicking butt and sailing over obstacles that I'm still thinking about...helped eleviate some fear. Actually, that's a lie, I wasn't ABOUT to let her out perform me when I was the one wearing the ugly bike outfit and supposedly the one with experience!

For all of you that were concerned...clearly the spirit of competition- my longest love affair, is still alive and well within me.

THE BEACH

Seth is in town for two weeks. We went to the coast for three days with the girls and stayed in the trailor on the Nehalem River like old times. The surf was small but oh so clean! Seth's skills have markedly improved from surfing 4 times a week in Los Angeles. He had hoped for bigger waves. I was secretly pleased with the waist-high swell. It was like I'd been surfing all summer long. The short trip left me anxious to get back out on a regular basis. I met two more local Portlanders that I can carpool with.

RUNNING...or the obsessive relationship many beg me to get out of. (Sometimes love hurts)

Today Zoe and I will head out for our recovery week long run. It's only 90 minutes with 2-4 miles of M-Pace. My VDot has dropped considerably along with my fitness in the few months I was busy stressing over my stress reaction. FYI I learned that stress reactions are directly related to stress! And futhermore, if you continue to agonize and stress over the injury, I can't be certain, but I'm pretty sure it slows the healing process. And you thought there would be no profound breakthroughs in this entry!

With not enough time to ramp the training up in a safe and slow manner, ultras are out this year. The Tetons will have to wait. Instead Scott is helping me with a plan that will hopefully give me a marathon PR.

Those are the biggies. Of course there is a lot more, on the periphery and beyond. But you will just have to start tuning in again to get all the details. Until then, feels good to be back. Thanks Scott (Dr Fuller) and Ronda for keeping at me to post. :]

Rest is hard work...

Working two in a row. The weekend has been sunny and beautiful. I think summer is finally here! Ronda and crew are getting ready for our flight to Montana and drive to Sheridan, WY for the Bighorn 100. It will be my first time crewing and I am lucky to have the help of pro's like Ronda's husband Bill, and pacer Darin. Michael will be running as well...but has crewed for Ronda in the past so will no doubt be a huge help. The challenge for me will be attention to my nutrition as I focus on Ronda's needs. I've been really good this past week and would like to continue laying the groundwork for changing my eating habits for the better for good.

Ronda got excellent news as all of her discipline and hardwork finally payed off with fat loss and muscle gain. Curiously, my daily digressions into the bag of chips, bowl of popcorn, rice latte's, and chocolate chip vegan cookies didn't work for me this time. I gained fat and lost muscle mass. I can't understand why? Vacation is over. I'm back on track and feeling more energy and better in general for it. I really take food and it's effects for granted sometimes. All it takes is a week of eating poorly to realize I don't want to feel like that and change my ways...again. Yes I have reached into that proverbial cookie jar many times in this journey. But I am learning and the general trend is change and growth, not, thankfully, abdominal growth, but conscious decisions regarding nutrition. Some may wonder if this is an unhealthy obsession to be so focused on food. I understand that initial impression. I can only relate it to anything else worth learning. It's hard work changing old habits, whatever they may be. Change requires constant attention, time and commitment to the process as well as the results.

Gandhi's words, "You must be the change you wish to see in the world," come to mind. Of course, he probably wasn't talking about my nutrition plan. But it's all related. We spend so much time hoping others will meet our expectations. It's hard to remember to question ourselves and answer truthfully if we are meeting our own expectations. It's good to be reminded of this now and then.

Now...the update on my needy right tibia:


Although still resting my leg and disappointed not to be pacing, I'm excited to check out the 100 mile scene. I'm hoping another solid week of rest from running will give the tibia the time it needs to heal. This is optimistic...but I'm so anxious to run again. I'm struggling with the patience portion of healing. I can be as patient as a monk...I just need a two hour run before I show it. Yes, lot's of work to do here. For now, back in the weight room. :] Cheers.

love it

Saw this puddle in the forest park parking lot a few days ago. Girls and I went easy today on wildwood without a heart rate monitor or watch. Felt really good. It's a bit cloudy, rainy and overcast today- not bad weather for a Sunday. That's all. Cheers.

On Your Knees

Once, while my Grandma was still living, she fell out of her chair and didn't have the strength to get to her feet. When my mom found my grandma she was lying on the floor next to the window sill picking dead leaves out of the potted African Violets. When my mom asked why she dragged herself over there Gram replied, "I figured I might be down here for a while I might as well make myself useful."


It's been two weeks. I finally went for a 30 minute jog yesterday. It was raining, misty, the trail was soft and the dogs and I were in heaven. There were no symptoms from the tibial stress reaction so that was encouraging. I had intended to use this time "Off" from running to really work in the weight room, hit the yoga, stretch, recover, relax. I was going to embrace restorative measures. Instead I started working on my "to do" list for the house, garden, and work. After a week off I went to Crossfit. I walked in and seeing the times on the board: 45-50 minutes. I knew we were in for a tough and longer than usual.

For the first time in a long while I had to drop to my knees to complete the second and third rounds of push-ups. I immediately thought of my tibia. "I'm falling apart, I'm getting weaker, I can't compete, I'm so tired." I watched everyone around me moving double time. Kevin kept asking, "last round kris?" I'd have to answer, "No, just my second." He'd just smile and say, "Good work." When I finished and looked around the room everyone had the same look of accomplishment and contentment on their face. No one cared that I didn't seem as "tough" as I thought myself to be. No one wondered why I was so slow, so tired, so weak. In fact everyone was smiling at everyone else, me included, as if to say, "I know first-hand what you just went through and I respect and admire you for sticking with it to the end with the rest of us."

We all have our moments of glory. The days were we feel unstoppable, on fire, in the zone, at the top of our game. We walk away from the accomplishments of those days in a cloud. What just happened? Where did that come from? How did I do that?! Of course we strive and hope to have more of these days than the days when we are not at the top of our game. On the days when we pause to think, "Wow, I'm really struggling with this, I'm going to have to make it easier...just to finish, I'm hardly on fire...I'm barely luke warm!" But I believe it's these more difficult times, when the world brings you to your knees, that we learn from our mistakes and weaknesses and improve ourselves by working on them. Sometimes just showing up and giving your all when your all is clearly not what you expect or hoped it would be, is what makes you stronger. Working on a weakness is not fun, because it makes us vulnerable which doesn't feel very strong. But when we stay with it and persevere we overcome obstacles. Overcoming obstacles redefines what we believe is possible. Removing limitations set only by fear or ignorance opens the door to achieve amazing things.

I've had to strip the weight, stop the forward momentum, and find my slow-moving, low-calorie burning center. At first this ridiculously seemed like the end of my world, an admittedly melodramatic, self-centered, short-sighted response to a temporary obstacle. I'm still struggling with the interruption to my training schedule, to my plans. But I am fully aware of the benefits that have come with this injury and imposed vulnerability. I've been forced to shift my perspective, even if it may be a temporary shift. It's been enlightening. I've had more time to spend with friends and family. My body is relaxing slowly into the idea that it doesn't have to be moving forward 100 mph to accomplish things. I'm hoping to apply this knowledge to my training when I continue. Admittedly I've already "learned" this lesson a few times. Maybe this time it will take. Like my Grandma, it's just a matter of re-defining what is useful.

Breaking Point

The irony of my last post is not lost on me. I should be racing right now. Actually I would be in Zone 3a to be more specific...not quite "racing" yet. Macdonald Forest was going to be my first race run according to the plan set out by Scott, my coach. For the first time I was going to approach a 50k with a HR and nutrition plan. Instead I'm reaping the combined results of over-training and poor judgement.

What I was hoping was just another ache and pain of my body adapting to ultra-running has turned out, according to the bone scan, to be a stress injury. Those in the know are assuring me it's not a stress fracture. But before I could say the words, "I'll ice it," I was warned it could quickly become a fracture if not rested. So here I am. In the best fitness of my life and I'm side-lined. Many will say, "I knew this running wasn't good for you," or "You're getting too old to do what you used to do," or "This is a sign, really, why don't you just take it easy and take up knitting?"

It's these "helpful" comments that leave me speechless and frustrated. The injury is just that, an injury. It is a sign, but it's not a death to activity warrant. After taking a close look at my activities and stress levels during the past month I can understand the factors that lead to this hurdle. I will learn, adapt, change and grow. This, in turn, will make me stronger. If our answer is always to quit what makes us uncomfortable or sets us back we slowly stop learning, improving and growing. I realize as I get older my body will be able to do less. But I refuse to let my numerical age dictate a set plan of exertion levels. So, if you want to ask about the injury, that's fine, let's talk about your experience, recovery options, the bright side- surf is calling.

The office manager at Epic Imaging worked with me to schedule a bone scan with only one day's notice. She smiled when I walked in. As I thanked her for squeezing me in, explaining about my race the next day, she nodded. "Don't worry I understand. I have to get foot surgery, but I'm training for the Hood to Coast walk, so I'm waiting until afterwards to get the surgery." I sat down and smiled. She gets it. Physical limitations are sometimes temporary, sometimes with us for the span of our lives in some shape or form. It's the process of over-coming these limitations that motivates and inspires us to continue our passion. This can be found at any level of sport. These are the people I'm drawn to. And these are the opinions I value.

Flexibility is always stronger than rigidity. I don't know about you, but I feel great after a 30 minute run. Thirty minutes on the couch leaves me stiff.

Choice.

Ego is my rabbit...

I drove home from work today excited and pumped to get my 2 x30 minute hill repeats done. The sun was shining, I slept the night through, and thought only briefly of the crossfit workout I checked before leaving work. My fellow crossfitters were meeting at the track for 3 x 800's. Hmm...that sounded fun, but I have a goal and work to do. I met Troy to get into my car and recover my belongings...what amazing luck! The police found my stolen car after a month and all of my belongings were intact!! After a quick breakfast for the girls and myself I changed into my trail shoes. Caleb called.

He did the morning Crossfit workout. He smoked his 800's getting 2:30's and faster. Then he casually mentioned he thought I could be faster than the fastest woman so far. Her 800's were in the 330 range. He knows my math is atrocious and explained that I could easily do this. I told him I had a workout to do. He said he knew and that was too bad. I hung up. It took me all of 5 seconds to decide. I knew what I had to do. I called Ronda about 10 times looking for validation and enabling like a good friend will do, but she was no where near her phone. She was doing her PRESCRIBED workouts for the day. "Girls, I'm sorry...I have an appointment with a stopwatch." Emma shook her head sadly as Zoe gave me the evil eye. I tried not to notice as I took off the trail shoes and replaced them with my road shoes. I changed my shirt for good measure to the "Run like a girl" Montrail t-shirt. It's become my lucky t-shirt. I grabbed my keys, water, gu and went to warm-up. Caleb arrived just as I was finishing the first lap of my first 800. "1:16" I was in trouble...too fast. But on the second lap I held it together long enough to catch that furry little ego bunny. I finished in 2:45. That's fast for me. I couldn't keep the pace for the final two. I clocked a 2:57 and 2:55. The last one had even splits. With my ego soothed I called Ronda to confess my transgression.

She said that's great and her voice told me everything I needed to know. Those 800's weren't getting me out of my hill repeats and those hill repeats that I was looking forward to earlier this morning, were now going to HURT. The phrase, "You gotta pay to play," entered my mind. I went back home, grabbed the dogs, and off we went towards our 7-9% grade hill to run up it 2 times at threshold.

So as not to keep anyone on the edge of their seat I did finish my workout. I could not get my HR up to 168 on the first repeat, but did push hard at 156 for 30 minutes. The 25 minute downhill was like chocolate, chips, and a great kiss all rolled into one. The lactic acid cleared and I had some legs for the second repeat. For our second trip I started a little farther downhill and managed to get my HR up to 166. The 30 minutes brought us in sight of the gate at the top of our hill.

I learned my lesson. As Ronda reminded me I don't want to make a habit of writing checks my body can't cash. Those all out sprints at Max HR are fun and yeah, make you feel good when you catch some high fives for the numbers, but they will not serve me in the long run. Remembering my long-term goal, The Tetons, and sticking to the plan is going to give me the best chance of competing at my potential. But living in the moment and running a 2:45 makes me feel pretty damn good too.

Now- does anyone want to help me clean my house? Because that was on the list of "to do's" as well.

Learning to love numbers

I went back to OHSU to get another VO2Max Test on Thursday. Last November I was less than thrilled to hear my VO2 Max was 51 and Threshold HR was 155. My "Numbers" have never been exceptional. Which is why I've always chosen to rely on Heart, thinking that never-give-up mentality would take me a heck of a lot further than having a VO2 Max better than him or her. Somehow seeing the numbers felt more limiting than encouraging. The science told me what my limits were. I didn't want to know. Because if you don't know, you can accomplish anything right? Childlike, perhaps, but it had served me relatively well in my athletic pursuits. I've changed my mind.

I'm 37 years old. Yes, 37. I'm running longer and faster than I ever thought I could. I'm working hard no doubt about it. But when I falter, or want to slow down, there is something else besides that beating organ that I've become obsessed with through my watch, pushing me forward. It's numbers. It's knowing I am physically capable of running the last 6 miles of my three hour run at 7:40's because I've run faster in my tempo runs. Now I think merely, "I've done it before, I can do it again." My taxed heart has only to beat accordingly as my mind blocks the excuses and reasons to stop. Numbers don't have to limit us. I think the key is not to be attached to the meaning we put into them. 53.6 isn't a good or bad VO2 Max. It's a where I'm at right now. My threshold went up to 166. I'm using 86% of my capacity. There is room for improvement. Nothing limiting there. 7:40 miles aren't fast or slow. They are just the tools I'm using to get faster. And I am getting faster. So next time you think..."Oh she's just doing 7:40 miles," you better look over your shoulder because that was yesterday and I'm coming for you. ;] Cheers.

Free Day

It's interesting what we do with our time when we think we have all the time in the world vs when we believe our time is not our own. I went in to work today on my Kelly Day. Kelly Day's are a day off from work without having to use your own vacation. Usually I watch and plan for these days like a hawk. This month I was so distracted I didn't even realize today was my Kelly Day. When I showed up at work, everyone had a good laugh. Then I stepped back into my car and headed home. Today I can do anything. I thought I would be held at work for 24 hours. Instead I started planning: the workouts, the time with the dogs, and even building those raised beds for my garden. I decided to start the day off at Crossfit. The WOD was:

21-15-9 Reps of: Row (21 calories)
Push Press (85pounds)
GHD Sit-ups

Nick inspired the morning group by finishing in 9:40 on his own! I stepped onto the rowing machine feeling strong and focused. I felt an intensity that I sometimes lack and realize comes from knowing I have a choice and have come to this workout with focus and intention. In other words, I didn't happen to be driving by, or decide to come because someone else talked me into it. I arrived with a plan and that drove me to success. For the rest of the day I plan on practicing actions with intention. I have the luxury of a free day to practice. I hope to carry on tomorrow, and the next day. Returning to work on Friday, the challenge will be maintaining my focus and intention in the workplace. I'm challenging myself to remain engaged in my choices and actions. Two quotes come to mind. One I've put at the heading of my blog- Bob Marley's, "Wake up and Live." The other, just as important, and sometimes harder to remember and practice, is Thich Naht Hanh's "Be free where you are."

It's all choice. So simple. So challenging. So rewarding.

Chuckanut 50K

Even though this was technically my third 50k, it felt like my coming out party. When we arrived race morning with our "Black Saturday, No Excuses" shirts I could tell by the high amounts of chi flowing from the ground up, except for that muddy part Ronda ran through, Ronda, Michael, Steve, Trisha, Darin and I would be quite a force that day. The rain had us changing layers right up until race start. Then, magically, the rain stopped and didn't make another appearance the remainder of the day.

With the first and last six miles of the race being mostly flat my head was already in a good place. Even though I knew we would make the equivalent of one Mt Hood ascent and back...the flats and downhills would offer welcome respit and leg turnover after the snail's pace climbing. And "Snail's Pace" is not just an expression here. People I passed on the run portions would leave me in their dust when we all walked. I wondered if I should purchase a walker or start training in the malls with the seniors because I couldn't walk fast enough to catch a car thief at this point.

As I mentioned the flats pulled me through. I followed Ronda and Michael's advice and ate a gu/hammer gel/or clif shot roughly every 30 minutes. I went through about four bottles of gu2o and or my glyco-maize mixed with heed. I kept my heart rate at 156 and that seemed manageable. At the start Michael took off in his speedy manner. I took off in my brain switched off start of the race manner. When I saw 160 flashing on the monitor I slowed down reminding myself that the race was 31 miles and there would be a good chance I would see everyone passing me another time during the course of the run. Ronda and Steve- both more experienced seemed cool and collected from the start.

After the first six miles I happily realized I had only a marathon to run. I've done that! And I knew at least 6 miles of that marathon would be flat...the last six. So I was pretty happy with whatever they would throw my way in the middle. Turns out "They" threw a beautiful, mossy, waterfalls, rocks, ferns, soft dirt trail scenic tour!! The run was fun. I was smiling and at mile ...who knows no one would tell me how far we'd run or had to go- are you really not supposed to ask this? Regardless...at some point, about halfway, I realized I was actively enjoying the run. I didn't even care that my butt looked 3 sizes bigger than usual because of the pockets sitting on top filled with gu's. Then, when, "What you gonna do with all that junk, all that junk inside your trunk," came on the ipod I had to laugh out loud. And I wasn't "get[tting] you love drunk on my hump," I was passing you up, passing you up with my trunk!! As you can see it was all a highly intelligent and profound experience.

On a more serious note..I got to meet my new coach!! I look forward to having a plan and learning to walk...um fast, and climb...fast, and run those flats faster!! :]

Ronda caught me at the third aid station. I knew it was only a matter of time. She looked fresh and strong as I climbed to the ridge behind her. Her efficient energetic climbing style leaves me feeling tired and a bit clumsy. I was glad I couldn't hear my breathing to have to admit how hard I was working to keep up with her. Then, as we descended down a rocky portion, I took a different route putting me in front. It was one of those downhill, "rest" portions of the course. I knew if I didn't take advantage of it then I would be sorry later as I SLOWLY climbed up again. So I took off and didn't look back. In typical world class style Ronda cheered me onward.

On the last 6 mile stretch I was hurting. I remember Ronda telling me she did a faster split on this last year coming in than going out. That was not going to happen. BUT I had no intention of slowing down. I knew I could hold my heart rate at 156 for 6 miles because I've done it on Leif Erickson countless times with Emma and Zoe. Ok, so maybe we didn't run 25 miles prior, but I was in no mood or capacity for details. I started picking people off in the distance and trying to catch them. To my surprise, I caught one, then another, then there was a guy in black. I focused and started after him. Within a mile I realized it was Michael! Even though I could tell by his boppy, cruise-control stride he was rollin back in on the mellow I wasn't going to let that cloud the fact that I had caught up with him! I ran behind him for about 1/4 mile, hurting, while he jogged along. Finally, after "resting" on his heels a bit I reached out and said Hello as I tried to pass. He, in the same sincere style as Ronda, smiled huge and sent me on telling me how proud he was of me. This gave me a great boost of energy and I rode it for all it was worth. It got me about 10 feet. Inflation I guess...and the hill that didn't seem like a hill when we were going out. I pushed forward not about to let the woman, that had passed me and vice/versa many times during the race, pass me a final time. When I looked behind me one last time and no one was there I asked a bystander how far to the finish. He told me 90 yards!!! I smiled. I ran hard. I just RACED my first 50 K.

Next up: MacDonald Forest. Cheers and congratulations to all of my new and dear friends for finishing in style: Trisha, Ronda, Michael and Steve. Darin I hope to help you as much as you helped us Saturday. Thanks. K

Eat/ Sleep / Run / Kipping Pull-ups/ Surf ?

So I've been back for a month. I've gained three pounds. The running is coming back. My knee is getting better with the PT and stretching. My strength is taking it's time, apparently on extended vacation. All of this aside, things are good. The girls are fit, the house is our own and we are back on track.

Good thing. Because Chuckanut, the first race of the season, is right around the corner. On March 15th we are all heading up to Bellingham to run a 50k. I'm toying with the idea of hiring a coach. It's been three and a half years since the structure of Ironman and Marc Becker's coaching plans. I've enjoyed the hiatus but feel I'm not only ready, but looking for the direction and focus having a coach gives me. Oddly enough, I also miss the freedom of a plan. By freedom I mean I can concentrate on other things while at home...not.."What should I be running tomorrow?"

I've been talking about the 50 miler in the Tetons without a whole lot of thought into what it's going to take to train for this. I run with Ronda, Tom and Michael multiple days of the week and haven't even asked them. I wonder if I'm not quite prepared for the answer. How will crossfit fit into my training plan? What about my plans to get back to the beach occasionally for some surfing? The side effects of training and racing are slowly returning to my life and I haven't even made the conscious decision to go there.

Training, it seems, is just another form of gravity. It pulls you whether you're thinking about it or not. I've got a track workout tomorrow then I'm going to crossfit and I'll be damned if I can't get back up to at least 10 kipping pull-ups in a row. Pura Vida.

Salamet Mom.

The trip to the Philippines and Thailand with my mother was to be the first time in five years that I would bring neither a surfboard nor bicycle for an adventure with obvious intentions. I packed my running shoes, socks and sports bras before anything else, knowing these items would be necessary for every one's sanity and enjoyment. My enjoyment for running and theirs, especially my mom's, for not having to deal with me if I didn't run.

When I arrived in Manila- mom and I stayed at a pensione that she routinely visits when she has to come into the city. Of course she had talked to everyone and their neighbor about my visiting. People she probably didn't even know where smiling at me and wishing us a happy visit when we arrived. Gabby, the owner of the Pensione was especially kind and accommodating. I could tell he cared for mom, a running theme in the people I would meet, and while it didn't surprise me, it made it easier to know mom was surrounded by people who appreciated how special she truly is.

Nita met us in Kalibo and drove us back to Altavas. Nita is my Mom's host and a Physics teacher at the high school. She instantly reminded me of Mom. She was warm, intelligent and I felt right at home. At Nita's house I met her mother Nai Nai and Also Ruby and Li Li (I hope that is right.) They were all so sweet and smiling all of the time. We were only there for two full days. But I got to run in the mornings down the dirt road while passing rice fields, cows soaking in mud, and accompanied by the many stray dogs.

Since Mom was the only American in the town, everyone was curious about her daughter. As we moved through the market, visited the Mayor, the fire station, and the garden her kids worked so hard to create, I felt like a dignitary as I shook hands with all of these smiling people approaching me. I think I understand now what people mean when they say they felt humility in the face of such caring, open, loving people. They didn't know me, but because I was Alice's daughter, they welcomed me with genuine and enthusiastic warmth. Altavas was hot, and humid, and it was exhausting touring the small town at such a breakneck pace after having flown for 15 hours and no sleep.
Despite all of this, looking back, Altavas was my favorite part of the two weeks.

I almost forgot to mention the best part. I saw my mom, the woman who raised Tray and I by cutting every one's hair in the town of Cary from our basement 7 days a week, get up on stage and speak. She spoke eloquently and with confidence about the work her high-schoolers had done in the garden. She talked about teamwork, and coming together with the townspeople to plant the garden and raise the minouck (chicken). While she spoke I looked around the table and out into the garden where the kids and their families were gathered. Everyone was smiling up at her. I always knew my mom was strong, and independent, and had a great sense of adventure. But for the first time I saw her as a leader. I think about the challenges I face at work. My own insecurities as a supervisor. Seeing her assume that role with such ease and humor helped me realize I could do the same. The key is to be true to yourself. My mom has always been so good at that. I was often embarrassed of that as a child- the crazy hats, her loud laugh, the list goes on. It's ironic that I now know this to be one of my Mom's greatest strengths. She knows who she is and presents that same loud-laughing, smiling, woman to everyone she meets. My mother is incapable of pretension. If you don't like her, she will shrug her shoulders and move on. I still have so much to learn from her.

Thailand: The Islands were friendly and relaxing. The water was warm- great for kite-boarding. The massages were inexpensive and deep. The silk pillowcases, of which I bought too many for friends and family, were colorful, bright and cool. The stray dogs were happy and well-fed. The food, oh my god the food. I promptly stopped worrying about my diet and indulged while mom spent the first few days eating salads and other American Fare because she missed it so much. Our time in Thailand was spent on the beach. We were in areas catering to tourists and it was obvious. But after not seeing each other for two years and too much flying, driving and ferrying previous to our arrival, a little down-time with mom was exactly what I needed. We caught each other up on our lives, talked about Tracy's new house and how much we wished she could be sitting on the beach with us.

When I got home I didn't have stories of riding on elephants, seeing great temples, climbing mountains, or even catching one wave. I was at a loss when people asked me how the trip was and what we did. I think that's why it's taken me so long to write. I definitely want to go back to Thailand. I can see the country has so much to offer and experience. But this trip wasn't about any of the places I traveled to. It was about my mom. I hadn't seen her in two years. In the past two years she's become once again what she was to me during my childhood. She is my idol.

sa' wa't dii kha

I missed my first workout with Tom and Ronda today. I had a good excuse, and went out to breakfast!! I completed the tempo run on the treadmill tonight at the gym. My paces at threshold and beyond (not supposed to do that!) were: 7:26, 7:35, 7:47x 3 and 7:35. It was challenging to sit on that treadmill for the 95 minute workout but felt really good to hold a constant pace for 50 minutes. I missed the wise advise of my surrogate big brother...during the tempo run to spur me on- but I have no doubt he's taking pen to paper for this next session...cause he's gonna have lot's to say! :]

As I enjoy one of my last sweet potato, spinach and chicken meals for a while I'm trying to psych myself up for my up-coming flight to the Philippines. I'm excited to see Mom after so long. And meeting her community and new friends will be cool. The sun and warm water will be brilliant since I definitely miss the warmth of the summer sun. But in all honesty with my training starting to take shape- thanks to Ronda's help, and the nutrition changes yielding results, I'm anxious about losing momentum. But what is life if we are not simultaneously experiencing adventures in many different areas? It certainly would be a colorless and dull existence if all we focused on was our priority of the moment. So I will concentrate on living in the moment, taking this adventure in for all it's worth, and daydreaming about what awaits in Portland when I return. But you can bet your gosh-darned tail I'm going to also be doing crossfit workouts in the sand and running in the ocean if that's the only place I find. Call me crazy- go ahead...I can name five people that get it. OK so they might be crazy too...just makes life in this moment more interesting. So come on, GET CRAZY!

My new shoes...

don't look so new anymore. I've made my first milestone in Ultra-training. As we ran the trails of wildwood on Saturday with the usual crew my toe broke through the top of my shoe. As I investigated further I saw holes on both sidewalls of the shoes as well. I complained in disgust that I had just bought these shoes 2 1/2 months ago! Everyone laughed and patiently explained that 2 months was usually the maximum life of an ultra shoe. When the question regarding my sock arose, namely, where was it? I quickly changed the subject...having already realized on my own- I'm quick this way, that the socks may have a shortened life-span as well. My old trick of just putting the sock with the hole on the other foot (so the big toe wouldn't poke out) just wasn't going to fly anymore. So I've arrived. I've not even run fifty miles and my shoes are telling a story I still haven't admitted. I'm training for Ultra-marathons. It's time to stop pretending the idea is crazy and unattainable. It may still be crazy, I'm ready to admit this. But it is possible. And I will run 50 miles this year.

The diet continues to yield results. I'm 10 pounds lighter than when I started. My intent was to take the extra weight off to limit the stress put on my joints with the increased miles. It's working. And I'm getting faster- barring yesterday's track workout. With my trip to the Philippines and Thailand nearing. I'm trying not to stress about lost fitness and finding foods to fit my "diet." Two weeks off is really just what I need. The warmth of the sun and water will do wonders for my motivation and inspiration. Which, if honest, has been lacking in these past months.

Day of vacation today. It's frosty but will be dry and sunny. The girls and I are going to take a spin in my new trail shoes. North Face Ultra 300's...or something like that. Found them on sale at REI. If anyone knows of more sales please let me know...I'm admitting I have an Ultra-running addiction. That's the first step right?

Run Fast...er

Group field trip to Forest Grove for a "Quick" 12.44 mile race in the sleet and cold. As I gathered my recovery drink, post race meal and water I noticed I only had one "Gu" left. Oh well, should be good I thought. Well, I need to get with the program. I was so disciplined and methodical with nutrition when I was racing triathlons. I don't know what this backlash of lazy behavior is..but I'm ready to be done with it. I'm certainly not going to get results this way. Good results..that is. I was hoping for 8min miles for the length of the race. I came away with 8:15's. Not bad. Definitely room for improvement. Ronda, on the other hand smoked us all (besides Michael...but I'm not even sure how fast he is...because we are always holding him back.) Tom ran according to his plan, which included running..the whole time. He seems to be adjusting to this well and is getting faster every week. Steve passed me at mile four and never looked back. Beast was kind enough to yell splits or place in the race...something with numbers in it. I was just honored he remembered me and smiled. :] Met another runner, Anna, and she finished strong too.

It was a cold, cold day. We all started seizing up a bit in different areas of our bodies and that was fun to share on the way home. Kind of like a road trip car game...but different. Ronda and I both resisted the pancakes and ate our packed meals instead. We are on a mission. Clean food. Next weigh in is this weekend. Should be interesting.

Having the house to ourselves: Me, Emma and Zoe is really great. Building fires, stretching, taking time to cook meals and hang out...I realize I wasn't doing these things before...and am glad to be enjoying my home again.

Looking forward to our next race and big workout. Next two days: work

Happy New Year 2008

I was already a month into my "diet" when New Year's rolled in at 12:00 while my crew and I loaded hose for someone else's fire. I've been training regularly thanks to the No Excuses Rooster Crew. I'm visiting my Mom very soon in the Philippines as she finishes her Peace Corps Tour. My sister, Todd, and their pups are settling into their new house. I even took my Christmas lights down before the week's end. 2007 has been a year of firsts. I climbed the rope at crossfit- 6times! I ran my first and then my second 50k. I participated in Christmas Camp, logging close to 70 miles of running in one week. I became a truck officer. I've met some amazing, inspiring, caring, and original people. I recovered from a frightening low back injury that put everything into perspective and made me value my health and fitness like never before.

Before the girls and I head out into this temporary sun break for an easy 30 minute run I thought I would reflect a bit on some goals for 2008. I may come back with another post as this is a bit off the cuff. It seems after all of these years my life is still filled with athletic pursuits, friendships, family, home repairs, and continued learning and experience at work.

2008: It's easy to get wrapped up in my own life's drama. It can send me reeling wondering how I can clear my plate and effectively finish everything I've started. It may seem counter-intuitive; but I think I've found the answer. I've often entertained, albeit briefly, the idea of volunteering at a school, or as a big sister. As friends and neighbors set amazing examples of community building and selfless gifts of their time and energy I've decided this is the key. This is the answer to not getting wrapped up in my life's daily dramas. It's also a break. I can take a vacation from my challenges by helping someone else with their own. Talk is cheap. That is number one on my list. I'm going to volunteer. Finally.

The next goals will be the less profound more selfish variety. :]

2. Run 50 miles...at one go, not over the course of the week. ;](My eyes are on the Grand Teton 50 mile race) I will be running with Tom, Ronda, and Michael who are running the 100miler.

3. Run a sub 21:00 min 5K.

4. Get out of debt (house mortgage not included) sooooo....close.

5. Reach and maintain 150 pounds.

6. Study for Captain.

7. Work on my attention span for blog entries.

Ok the girls and I are going running now for our easy 30min.